Been ages till I finally find the strength to pluck up some
motivation to write again since I don’t want my pre-clinic stage of life just
gone by the board. Keeping up a journal they said can pretty much also be an
ultimate stress reliever for someone having trouble but have nothing to let
out.
Week 3 of block B3 starts in 43 minutes from now, and sure
its gonna be full of exams and practical sessions ……………T.T
So today, for xxth time already, I forgot to take my
breakfast and lunch (+ almost dinner if only bapak sate ga lewat depan kosan). Today
felt so lazy, empty, hungry, rushy, so not my day plus its raining in the
afternoon making my laundry got wet again sigh. Plus the lights went off for 5
hours on evening while I planned to get my laprak finished today on those
hours. But good thing that today, I achieved the highest score on PA pretest,
and ga inhall PK heheeeeeeeeee:). My mum called me for 1 hour (the longest that
I can remember). And my
daddy will be coming next week and my mum will be off for umrah this
Friday, Allahummaghfirli dzunubi waliwa lidayya warhamhuma kama rabbayani shaghira,
protect them O’ Allah.
Anyway just wanna tell you that, I did it again just now, scrolled
over the thread, reread it all over again, recalled that atmosphere full of
regret. My boyfie would get mad if he knew I did this. Problem isn’t I still love
him or even think about him, OF COURSE not at all, who the hell will ever do
that, even bitches I guess wont ever do. Problem is I don’t know the exact
problem what is it that makes me so upset knowing am so stupid accepting
bullshits from my ex. Idk why am I being so mad and upset, I get
fooled, and that was the first time that I felt that way, backstabbed, cheated,
and it was really hurt, that feeling that youre aware youre stupid hurts I tell
ya. So what now? what smart thing can I do for the revenge? The idea of revenge
itself actually sounds stupid. They said what happened in the past stays there
in the past, but why is it hard to just let go and forgive?
Astaghfirullah.
Anyway im sorry if my English got little bit sucker, ever
since I left high school, even more after I lose most of my time on chilling
and writing at a time, dealing with medical school that seems so busy and
tiring, yet amazing.
Don’t forget to thank Allah for all that today has brought
to you. Good night xx.
